I don’t think I’ve attended as many weddings as I have since I married Tina. Not that I didn’t have the invitations—it’s just the frequency didn’t seem as great in my single years.Maybe the children of our friends have all reached marrying age. They’re wanting to tie the knot at once. Or maybe married life makes you more visible to people planning seating charts.

Whatever the reason, I find myself being dragged off to more weddings lately. On the up side? Some of them are destination weddings. Which sounds romantic until you’re visiting Jamaica in August.

Let me tell you about heat.

The Road to Jamaica

Tina’s been to Jamaica more than a dozen times, owing to the fact that her mother was born there. She travelled there every summer as a child and has been back and forth several times as an adult with both family and friends. I, however, had not yet been there.

As a child, I recall my uncle regaling us with stories of his trips to Jamaica. My young mind conjured images of exotic locations and people. Boy, when I grew up, I was definitely going to Jamaica! Just maybe not in the middle of August when the island apparently transforms into a convection oven.

Since marrying Tina, the subject of travelling to Jamaica came up a lot. She had considerable excitement about the places and things she wanted me to experience. The year 2019 brought that opportunity to our doorstep when one of her friends invited us to—and asked Tina to book—her destination wedding in Jamaica.

As a travel agent, assisting in planning and booking a destination wedding for 50-60 people is one of the quickest ways to completely lose your mind. However, with several months to work out the details, Tina managed to get all the guests booked on time and made happy. Goddess bless her! I don’t know where she got the patience. I watched this process unfold with equal parts admiration and terror. Mostly from behind my laptop where I handle the marketing and stayed safely out of the way

Arrival and All-Inclusive Survival

Jamaica sits a comfortable 4-ish hours from Toronto, and travelling with the wedding party made the flight seem even shorter. At Montego Bay, we separated from the group, picked up our rental, and drove off in search of the resort. Yes, resort. It only made sense to stay at the All-Inclusive Royal Decameron Cornwall. That way we could take care of our clients should they have travel-related questions. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it. The air-conditioned room within sprinting distance of everything had nothing to do with it.

Like any other vacation, the first day is spent unwinding from the flight, and nothing beats all-inclusive for presenting the spectacular opportunity to drink copious amounts of cold beer in an atmosphere conducive to relaxing one’s travel-weary mind.

Did I forget to mention that this wedding was taking place in the off-season? In summer? Smack dab in the middle of August to be precise? In Jamaica? To say that it was quite warm would be a bit of an understatement. I can say that I have never been so grateful for an un-ending supply of cold beer in my life. Let me say that some of the enjoyment is diminished when the only escape from the heat is your air-conditioned room. The pool was warm, the ocean was warm, the eating establishments are all open-air… it’s either the room or the car. We spent a lot of time driving!

Dunn’s River Falls: Climbing Waterfalls in August

In fact, one of the first things Tina wanted me to experience when visiting Jamaica was the famous Dunn’s River Falls. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the site, near Ocho Rios the Dunn’s River falls 180 feet and is terraced with small pools and lagoons interspersed. It’s a popular tourist destination because you can walk from the park to the base of the falls and actually climb the river up those same terraces, either as a guided activity or independently.

I particularly appreciated this excursion even more as the river is banked by lush jungle on both sides, and the water is cool and refreshing! The brochures don’t mention that you’re essentially climbing a waterfall in water shoes that have the traction of ice skates on a hockey rink, but that’s part of the adventure. We opted for the independent climb rather than the guided tour, which meant better pacing and fewer witnesses when I slipped. Which I did. Twice.

Worth every bruise though. After days of heat that made me question all my life choices, that cool water felt like redemption.

Romance on the Martha Brae

We returned to the hotel later in the day and changed into some fresh clothes. Although still warm in the evening, it’s certainly a very pleasant experience enjoying dinner and drinks with a view! Man, did we sleep well THAT night!

Next up on Tina’s list of Must-Do’s: rafting down the Martha Brae River. I gotta say, we’ve done some pretty cool things when travelling in other countries over the years, but this was one GREAT experience! Similar to our adventures in the Bahamas, Jamaica delivers on those Caribbean promises of natural beauty and genuine experiences.

Headed back towards Ocho Rios again, we turn off the main coastal road and head inland a bit until we reach the Martha Brae river and the rafting company. At the start of the raft ride you’re greeted with a complimentary drink before boarding your 30 ft. long bamboo raft with seating for two. Your raft Captain spins the tale of Martha Brae, the magical Indian maiden whom the Spanish colonists tortured to reveal the location of a secret gold mine. She ultimately succumbed to her tormentors and led them to the mine. En route however, Martha summoned her magical powers to transform the river, drowning the Spanish soldiers and herself as well. Legend says that her ghost still guards the entrance to the mine to this day.

Ghost stories aside, this popular tourist attraction is a relaxing and romantic drift down the river, once again sheltered from the hot sun by lush vegetation and surrounded by the cool, clear water of the Martha Brae. Do this! Seriously. Even if you’re not into ghost stories, floating down a cool river while someone else does all the work is peak vacation behavior.

Driving in Jamaica: A Survival Guide

When Christopher Columbus arrived in Jamaica in 1494, the Spanish settlers established a capital and called it New Seville in homage to the celebrated Spanish city of the same name. Our drives so far had taken us along the coast from Montego Bay, east through St. Ann’s Bay, a town juxtaposed with the spot where Jamaica’s first capital once stood, and boasts a statue of Columbus. The drive along the coast will also take you through Runaway Bay where some of the last Spanish settlers fled after the British captured the island. It’s an incredibly scenic drive, taking in seascapes and mountain ranges alike.

Today however, we would be heading west along the coast to the tiny beach town of Negril. Now is a very good time to remind everyone that we’re driving ourselves around the island in a rental car, and that in Jamaica they drive on the left.

Now, my wife has her bad driving habits just like most of us do, but there’s absolutely no one I feel safer with behind the wheel than her. She proved herself and earned her many badges of distinction in Ecuador. Enough said.

Having said that, driving in Jamaica presents challenges of its own.

The Honking Language

The first thing you have to very quickly become accustomed to is the use of the car horn. It’s constant, and it’s everywhere. There is a honking language in Jamaica, and you’d do well to learn that language very quickly. If you don’t speak the language you’re going to get yelled at a lot. Driving a rental (“I’m a tourist”) gives you a certain level of grace with the locals, but it doesn’t last forever and only extends so far.

The main highways have posted speed limits and stop-light-controlled intersections that absolutely no one pays any attention to. Passing on blind hills with integrated blind curves is perfectly acceptable driving behaviour. The main highways also have police checkpoints, but they have no interest in traffic violations—if there is such a thing. They’re checking for known or suspected criminals.

Town Traffic Chaos

Once you come into any of the many towns and villages along the coast, you get to experience another exciting aspect of driving in Jamaica. Here the road shrinks to a street that’s barely wide enough for a single vehicle. There are no such things as parking lots or parking garages, so everyone parks on the sidewalk and encroaches on the narrow street. Blocks are very short, so there’s bound to be a cross-street every few feet or so, and you can bet that drivers coming from both directions are trying to get into your street and fighting the cross-bound traffic.

Add to this the innumerable motorcycles, motor scooters, bicycles, and pedestrians all wanting to get to their independent destinations and you have a form of chaos that rivals our Cuban driving adventures. A town of perhaps 200 people that encompasses perhaps a total of 2 square miles can quite literally take you an hour or more to get through, only to find yourself approaching the next one all too soon!

Although much shorter in distance than our trips to the east, our trip to Negril was… long. Thank goodness there was cold beer!

Sunsets and Cliff-Jumping at Rick’s Cafe

Also at Negril is another famous tourist attraction: Rick’s Cafe.

Famous for its cliff-jumping and its amazing sunsets, we enjoyed watching both of these delights while enjoying a good (but expensive) meal and yet more cold beer! Live entertainment is a staple at Rick’s Cafe and it seems to run non-stop. Battered and destroyed by more than one hurricane, Rick’s has come back bigger and better each time.

If you’re feeling brave—perhaps from some liquid courage—take your leap from the 35-foot cliff into the warm waters of the Caribbean. Or do what I did: watch drunk tourists debate whether liquid courage actually justifies jumping 35 feet into water. Quality people-watching, that. Some jump, some chicken out, and all of them look appropriately terrified, which shows healthy self-preservation instinct.

Then relax and enjoy the best view of the sunset in all of Jamaica. Worth the drive. Barely. But worth it.

Green Grotto Caves and Glowing Waters

It was beginning to seem like Tina had been storing an entire list of things for me to see and do in Jamaica, so we were up and at ’em early the next day as well. On this day’s itinerary was the Green Grotto Caves. We thought that along with catching another popular tourist attraction, we’d be able to escape the intense heat of the Jamaican summer by spending some time underground.

This time we’d be taking Tina’s cousin Pete along with us. Although a lifelong citizen of Jamaica, he’d never been to the caves. Pete drives taxi in Montego Bay and was floored by Tina’s driving skills in his homeland. Another notch in her belt, and another level-up in my comfort and confidence in her driving.

Eastward again for us, the caves are located about mid-point between Discovery Bay and Runaway Bay. The limestone caves have a lot of history and feature stalactites, stalagmites, vaulted ceilings, and an underground lake. We spent about an hour and a half touring through the caves with our guide.

And although it was still morning and we were underground, the heat seemed to be intensified. Our guide explained that this was because the only thing above us was rock and the sun was beating on it, creating an oven for us to roast in. An underground oven. We’d descended into an actual underground oven. Thank God there was cold beer afterward!

Back to the resort for lunch, a not-so-refreshing swim at the beach, then a tour of the S Hotel next door to us. We ARE travel agents after all, and we often take advantage of our travels to do site inspections of properties that our clients might be interested in. It’s nice to be able to speak to their questions from personal experience. In this particular case, we were given complimentary day-passes for the resort to enjoy their pool, bar, and beach. Yay us!

The Luminous Lagoon Experience

With darkness approaching, we had one last item on the day’s agenda: The Glistening Waters Luminous Lagoon at Falmouth. Now here’s something you don’t get to see every day—or night.

This marvel is found in only 4 places on the entire planet but is most spectacular here when visiting Jamaica. It’s a phenomenon caused by millions of micro-organisms called dinoflagellates. Remember the beautiful Martha Brae river we talked about earlier? Well where its fresh water meets the salt water of the sea, the brackish water makes the ideal environment for these dinoflagellates. What’s so big about these micro-organisms? Well when they’re disturbed or touched, they glow with bioluminescence.

Jump in the boat and take a short ride out to the middle of the lagoon and wait for full dark to fall. When it does, stick your hand in the water and stir it around. Better yet, jump in like Tina and wade around. The water’s only 3 or 4 feet deep. The captain will expose the glass bottom and you’ll see the fish swimming around disturbing the water and lighting everything up with a beautiful blue-green glow.

In my mind, the luminous lagoon was a fitting way to end our Jamaican vacation. Well, almost.

The Wedding That Started It All

Right. The wedding. The reason we’d organized this entire heat-drenched adventure.

The wedding was amazing. We made some good friends, both local and international, and made some excellent business contacts for Boarding Pass Travel. Everything went smoothly, which never happens at destination weddings but somehow did here.

Funny how the wedding became almost a footnote to everything else Jamaica offered. That probably says something about how much there is to experience on this island.

The Honest Truth About Jamaican Summers

I’ve put off writing this entry about Jamaica because for the longest time I didn’t want to say anything positive about the country. That was due entirely to the overwhelming heat we experienced every moment we weren’t in our room or our car. Several locals told us it was one of the hottest summers on record, and temperatures ranged from the high 90s to 100 degrees while we were there. Not fair of me to withhold this blog for so long based on exceptional circumstances.

In fact, Jamaica was AMAZING! It’s a beautiful country with beautiful people and some fantastic food! I can honestly say that if we remove the heat from the equation, Jamaica is easily one of my favourite destinations. Like our Punta Cana vacation,

this island proved that Caribbean destinations deliver substance beyond the resort walls.

It’s not a cheap destination however, and there’s a reason that vacationers are willing to endure the heat of summer to save some money. With an English-speaking population and the US dollar readily accepted everywhere, along with being just over 4 hours away from most of Canada, Jamaica is a very popular destination.

Certainly if you venture here in the peak season—November through April—you will fall in love with this amazing island country. When temperatures behave reasonably. When you can actually enjoy walking around without contemplating heat stroke as a legitimate medical concern.

Plus, Red Stripe tastes even better when you’re not using it exclusively as a cooling mechanism. Trust me on this.

Just maybe skip August.

Establishment Recommendation:

Scotchies in Montego Bay serves jerk chicken that’ll make you weep with joy. Their open-air setup means you’ll still sweat (it’s Jamaica, after all), but their house ginger beer makes an excellent beer chaser. Try both.

Activity Recommendation:

The Glistening Waters Luminous Lagoon at Falmouth tops my list. Skip the organized tour groups and go during the week for fewer crowds. Wade in. Create your own light show. You’ll remember this long after you’ve forgotten how hot you were.

So there you have it. Taking me to Jamaica checked off Tina’s list of things to do, survived a destination wedding without losing our minds, and discovered that August in the Caribbean redefines the concept of “tropical heat.” Would I go back? Absolutely. Would I go back in August? Ask me that question when I’ve forgotten what melting feels like. Until then, I’ll be over here planning our next Caribbean adventure for literally any other month, cold Red Stripe in hand, remembering glowing lagoons and limestone caves while conveniently forgetting the part where we used air conditioning as a survival strategy.